How Could You?
The only thing I want to ever say to you is to ask, ďHow could you?Ē Of all of us, I didnít think you would do this to me.
You know what? I saw this coming. I did. I knew that this would happen, but I followed you to your bed like a dog. I knew it instantly that morning when I woke up. I would roll over and you would no longer be there. You used me and was bored with me so you threw me away. I really shouldnít blame you, knowing that it is in your nature to do this, but I do. I do blame you. I told myself that I wouldnít be the fool. I told myself that I would be the one to change you, to show you what could be in a life-long relationship. But I was wrong. I couldnít change you, and I donít think anything ever will.
But like I said I saw this coming. It first started with Wufei. I used to wonder what was his problem, the way he would look at you sometimes when he didnít think I or anyone else would notice. But I did. I also caught his mood swings, how one day he would act as if he was the only one who knew the secret of the universe, then the next day be a broken man. I didnít understand then, but I do now. I wish to every deity that I didnít.
Next it was Duo. I wasnít surprised at that. Wufei surprised me, but Duo didnít. What I canít figure out is what you did to him. He was the jolliest one of us all. Now, the only way to get him to smile is to hang the boy upside down. That was my biggest hint of all, but of course I didnít take it. Of all the things Duo has gone through, it ended up being you that destroyed him.
I also canít figure out Yuy. How you coaxed him into your bed after what you did to Wufei and Duo will always be the biggest mystery to me. I guess you just have a charm that even the devil canít resist. Iím sure of it. But you broke him too.
I used to wonder when you and I started to see each other, why they looked at me the way they did. It wasnít jealousy or hatred like you told me, but in fact pity. They knew what was going to happen, and they each tried to warn me in their own way. I didnít listen, even though I saw it for myself. I wish I did though. God, I wish I did.
Now, I watch you as you walk along with Zechs at the park, the both of you casting longing looks at each other out of the corner of your eyes. I see the slight touches you two exchange, playing an undercover sex game in public. I know because thatís what you and I used to do. Thatís the same game you played on me. But now, it is I who is giving the looks of pity, shaking my head in secret shame as I know what is going to happen soon. Youíll use him and toss him aside just like you did the rest of us. The universe and the people in it are nothing but things you amuse yourself with. I canít believe you do this repeatedly to people without any remorse, or even a backwards glance.
Quatre, how could you?